i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
