the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
