i was born a porn star she said
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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