Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
