Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
