we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
