how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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