You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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