I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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