I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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