If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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