and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
