everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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