Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
