My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
