If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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