how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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