I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
