they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
