I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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