ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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