I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm really busy with my period
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