I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
