High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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