So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
