He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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