Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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