Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
