its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
