Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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