keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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