i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sext me about skeletons
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
