My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize