People with herpes should wear stickers.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
