now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
