is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
