He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
