I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
