she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
