From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
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