This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
