My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
