you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Drunk is not a location!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
