Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
