so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
