I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
