My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
