i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've blown a few things in my day
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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