There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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