I think I won the penis lottery.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
