My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
