weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
